I'm so tired today ..... emotionally and physically. It's a very dark and dreary Monday which doesn't help. The tears are ever close to the surface. I haven't slept well in days. I wake up several times a night -- last night was 12:30, 2:30 and then 5:00. I didn't get back to sleep after 5 a.m., just dozed a little bit. When I wake up, my mind whirls with thoughts of D. I try to focus on happy memories, which doesn't always help. It makes me miss him.
I feel so lost. I keep thinking of ways to reach out, but ultimately conclude that I can't initiate anything. I have to wait for him. THAT sucks. I'm always trying to find answers and it's INCREDIBLY frustrating to realize that there are none to find. It's not up to me. I have to trust the Lord -- that's all I can do. My big lesson: surrender everything to the Lord. A very, very difficult lesson.
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