anguish

Last night was tough. I missed you so much. Going to bed without hearing your voice was anguish. I still feel it this morning. I went for a long walk and I read in bed for a while, but it didn't help much. My sleep the last two nights has been restless. I keep waking up and thinking about you. This is SO difficult! It's so hard to restrain myself from reaching out to you. But I know that I have to wait. I know that you need to make the first move. I sent my notebook with our chronicles in it to you. I hope it will remind you off all the wonderful times we've shared. I keep replaying them all in my mind to remind me, too.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid that you will give up and end the relationship. I wonder if all the feelings of distance and doubt mean that you really don't love me after all. It breaks my heart just to think of it. I'm trying so hard to trust in the Lord. Trust that whatever happens, it will work for good. That it was meant to be.

ANGUISH.