Dear Dick #1

I'm writing to you off email, my darling, because I feel the need to sequester my words for a while. I hope this isn't being passive-aggressive! I hope it's just a little measure of protection over my heart for now. I'm feeling a bit better about our relationship today, but there is still some insecurity about your feelings for me. I read over the (two...) cards that you sent me months ago and it made me weep. Those words were so sweet and touched me so deeply. I miss receiving words like that from you. So, perhaps foolishly, I wonder if withholding my words will make you see how it feels to have the lack of them. Does that make any sense? I suppose this could also backfire and make me become more distant and disconnected from you instead.

It was so good to pray with you last night. We really need to do it more often. It helps put our perspective in the right place doesn't it? Your spiritual well-being is extremely important to me. When I think of sharing spiritual things and deepening our relationship with the Lord together, it makes me feel so optimistic and even excited. It's something I have always longed to have with my partner. We know how easy it is to neglect this area, though. It's going to take purpose and discipline to be consistent -- I am confident that the rewards will be great and will spur us on. I think we both realize that the more we submit to the Lord, the less we will be able to give in to the desires of our flesh. That is still a tough one for me. I don't have to have the sexual manifestation of our relationship, but I certainly want it! It is such a double edged sword kind of thing. In my heart of hearts, I want to sacrifice this area for the over-all well being of our relationship. I still feel that it hinders you and brings you inner conflict in an area where you already have struggles to overcome. When I think of this, it affects me deeply. I would never willingly bring you any harm in this way -- be a stumbling block to you -- as I've said previously. Of course, it also hinders my spiritual walk as well. On the other hand, there is this strong desire to love you completely and it is difficult to resist.