gotta watch it

I'm in one of those funky moods today. A day when I should be secluded from humanity and left to my own devices. Youngest daughter will be returning from six days with dad and the adjustment from that much time away can be tricky. I need to be careful and conscious of my tendency to want her to just download all information so I know everything that happened. I hate having to play 20 questions in order to get anything out of her.

I'm really not happy with J___ right now. He's such a blowhard and a liar -- and still stuck in the same old cycles. On one hand, I am so glad that I don't have to deal with his nonsense on a daily basis. On the other hand, I get antsy about whether people (the kids, family, friends that he has contact with) buy what he says. It's pointless, of course, for me to have anxiety about this. I have to trust in my God to provide for all of our needs regardless of Jim's choices and failures. I also have to trust in the truth -- that it will prevail.

now you show up?

The father of my children has been largely absent for three years. This past year, our 16 yr old has been with her father for less than 14 days total. I can count the number of visits with the older kids on one hand. He has not been present for any of their finest moments. Score a goal, mom cheers. Nail that solo part, mom cheers. Give a heart gripping performance, mom weeps. Fix the car, mom is relieved. Dean's list, mom gushes with pride. Trip to Italy, mom wants to go! Apply for college, mom gets the info. Dad has not been the go to parent for any of their troubles -- minor to major. When the car breaks down, call mom. When the boyfriend is a jerk, call mom. When sick and need emergency care, call mom. When grades are failing, the teacher calls mom. Recuperating from surgery, mom nurses. Need money, call mom. Need a ride, call mom. Get in trouble, call mom. etc, etc.

So when youngest daughter has to face her 15 min. of shame, Dad suddenly is interested in being present?! Please no, I say. This is not the time to play daddy. Show up when she shines, when she will be eager for your praise. Don't make this harder than it already is.