I thought of you, my darling, all through the service this morning. The sermon was apropos and I wished so much that you could hear it. Maybe I'll send a link to the recording later in the week. I vacillate between great hope and great despair. Logic fails me.

The drive to Herkimer gave me too much time to think about you, but then I think of you constantly despite what I'm doing. I'm thinking that I need to go completely silent for a few days -- absolutely no email. It's impossible task, but maybe I can summon enough purpose and determination to do it. I wonder if it will make you see what it would be like to lose me. Would it even matter to you? I don't know. I'm always one heartbeat away from calling you and pleading my love for you. It's so hard to resist sometimes. I hate being forced to do this.

I watched South Pacific this afternoon. I truly am masochistic. Some Enchanted Evening made me cry. "Once you've found her, never let her go."