it was a happy birthday

I'm thinking back on yesterday -- my birthday and I conclude that it was a happy birthday. I had a great day that should be chronicled here so that I remember how good it can be... to be me. :) It was gorgeous sunny warm spring day! Oh thank you God for that! I went for a 3 mile walk in the morning -- a great way to start the day. When I got back from my walk, there was a FTD box on the doorstep. Oldest daughter sent me a lovely flower bouquet with peach roses. I checked my email and facebook and there were a bunch of birthday wishes from friends. I then headed out to do a bit of shopping and got a blouse at JCP for $3! Met T__ at TGI Friday's for a long lunch. Then it was off to ASI for my first ever facial. It was awesome!!! I felt so pampered -- definetly the best thing to do on my b-day -- some self indulgence. Youngest daughter and I had some Chinese food for dinner (really lousy food unfortunately) and then a yummy rich chocolate raspberry torte later for dessert. C__ stopped over with a thoughtful gift. Brother T__ called and chatted for a while. Son came through with a card & gift to cap off the day. Felt very loved by friends and family!

I'd have to say that the birthdays have significantly improved sans husband -- even though I'm getting older and feel my odds of coupling again diminish.

tired, restless...winter blues?

I'm in a funk of some sort. It's kind of hard to explain and I really haven't taken the time to analyze my feelings. I think it all began with our drama in January and the realization that I had to manage yet another crisis on my own. Then the mid-winter visitation and face to face with J__ -- which brought on the resurgence of that feeling of insecurity that I always used to have with him. Realizing again that this man can not be counted on or trusted. Then the summons to court and J's plea to reduce the child support (ahem, because he is a LOSER). All this and my abismal social life sans male companionship and the hopelessness that this will change anytime soon. Knowledge that the only man I would consider is involved with someone else. Seeing the signs of aging on my face (and breaking out a lot lately -- what's with that??) and filling out my clothes a little too much -- hating the number on the scale. Lack of energy and motivation. It's all quite depressing!

Hopefully, I'm on the verge of breaking out of these doldrums. I'm thinking about running -- I want to run. I need warmer weather! I'm thinking of broadening my horizons and getting involved with a new activity. Something other than work or church related -- something active. I'm thinking that I need to stop thinking so much about Dr. ___. So if I could put these thoughts into action...