I fall short

I feel an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. I've made so many mistakes -- mistakes that are not easy to overcome and I wonder if I will ever be able to rise above them. Marrying the wrong person will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Financial mistakes continue to make me feel insecure and cause me an immense amount of stress. The child support is behind again and I have no idea how much or when I'll get any. I keep kicking myself for being dependent on the support and trusting that J will do what's right. I just sent him receipts for camp and counseling with no expectation that he will send me the money. Pathetic. I plead for God's mercy and pray that my stupidity will be forgiven and that my children will not be cursed by my bad judgment. I know my family loves me, but they just can't possibly understand what I'm going through. I even feel like I don't have a right to feel this way -- there are so many people in worse circumstances than me. I'm so sad and I just want to disappear. I am in despair.