I wish I knew you

Things have been really busy lately -- #1 child graduation, #3 child prom, meetings and work stuff -- but I've had a bout of loneliness that I can't quite shake. It's probably because I dwell on the thoughts instead of focusing on other things. I had two intense dreams in the same week -- one about Dr. G and the other about a long lost friend who I was kind of in love with for a while. In both dreams I was hugged and kissed -- something I secretly long for. Anyway, in the case of Dr. G I'm back to the tendency of strategizing how I could make something happen with him. It's pretty stupid, but I'm desperate I guess. I haven't seen him in weeks -- haven't been to Border's in a while and didn't see him there this week. I was pretty disappointed because I was feeling pretty confident about flirting with him. Oh well. Back to the dreams.... I haven't seen or communicated with Stephen in 17 years. I've often thought of writing a letter to him -- started a few -- but never followed through. Well this time I did. I don't expect any response from him. It's not his style. It was satisfying for me to finally reach out of the past and tap him on the shoulder -- so to speak. I wish I knew either of these men as friends that I could talk to about anything.

The nice weather exacerbates my loneliness because there is more to do and still no one to do it with. It all feels rather hopeless. I should pray more about it.

I just don't know...

I think I need a vacation. Really. I need to get away. I'll have some time off next week, but it's going to be a busy time not a restful one. College graduation in Philly and then back home for prom. It will be fun I hope, but not restful. I feel like I just need to be able to think and to pray ---- and to sleep! Stuff has just been wearing me down.