I have so many emotions about my communication with A, but I'm not sure I can sort them out enough in print. Just want to document the tension between thrilling excitement and skeptical fear! On the one hand, he is handsome, charming, interesting and exotic. On the other hand he is mysterious, unknown and effusive. There is still much to learn and evaluate -- prayerfully. Who knows where this will go? One day at a time...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
possibility?
I re-live a lesson over and over again. The lesson is to stop trying to figure out things on my own and allow God to be in control. If I allow God to be in control, things fall into place. Not everything is revealed, the clouds don't part and I don't received an audible from God -- but there is ease, movement -- something we often refer to as PEACE. So, I came to that place once again last week when I acknowledged my sin, my manipulation and took myself out of the driver's seat. Your will be done Lord. You direct me. Help me to yield and obey. Show me the way.
If there is a man out there for me, then God will show me and He will bring him to me -- or me to him. Why would I want it any other way? I've screwed this up before and I don't want to make that mistake again. Putting the Lord in control of this area does not mean that I no longer participate (IMO). I will seek out possibilities and pray for discernment and guidance. The trick for me is to stay in the present and not get ahead of things by imagining, or actually fantasizing about what could be. That's where I move into God's realm and I don't belong there.
So this week brought a possible match across my path. A guy online contacted me and we are trying to connect via IM. He is very attractive and seems sweet, but I'm skeptical of anyone I meet in cyberspace so I will be very cautious. Who knows? Well God knows and I need to rely and trust in God's provision and his perfect timing. I need to relax and not force anything and not get my hopes unrealistically high. I don't want to be stressed about this and there is no reason why I should. I want to have fun and enjoy the experience. I won't make mistakes or be stuck in bad situations if I continue to trust in the Lord.
If there is a man out there for me, then God will show me and He will bring him to me -- or me to him. Why would I want it any other way? I've screwed this up before and I don't want to make that mistake again. Putting the Lord in control of this area does not mean that I no longer participate (IMO). I will seek out possibilities and pray for discernment and guidance. The trick for me is to stay in the present and not get ahead of things by imagining, or actually fantasizing about what could be. That's where I move into God's realm and I don't belong there.
So this week brought a possible match across my path. A guy online contacted me and we are trying to connect via IM. He is very attractive and seems sweet, but I'm skeptical of anyone I meet in cyberspace so I will be very cautious. Who knows? Well God knows and I need to rely and trust in God's provision and his perfect timing. I need to relax and not force anything and not get my hopes unrealistically high. I don't want to be stressed about this and there is no reason why I should. I want to have fun and enjoy the experience. I won't make mistakes or be stuck in bad situations if I continue to trust in the Lord.
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