failure is not an option

I looked at JAR's grades online this morning. My worst fears were realized. He failed at least two classes (one more grade to be posted). I have a mixture of feelings. Deep disappointment, helplessness, anger, etc. I don't know how to reach him. I don't know quite what to do. Right now, I'm thinking that I just need to be calm and rational. I want to approach this problem in a thoughtful, pragmatic manner. So, I'm planning to sit down with my son tonight and begin by getting the picture from his point of view. If he wants to be in college and shows any desire to succeed, then I'm going to suggest we work on a plan of action. I'm envisioning some sort of plan/contract -- some structure for him to work within to get on the right track. Depending on how that conversation goes, I may consult with a pastor for some advice.

It's problems like this that make me feel very alone and vulnerable. I don't have anyone to lean on and to share the burden. I pray, oh yes, I pray and I know that God is in control and that he is my rock. It's so intangible though isn't it? When I have the opportunity to get down on my knees and dump it all at Jesus' feet, maybe then I will feel some relief and belief that I am not really alone.

missing some male attention

I dressed up a bit today -- got out the only skirt that looks decent on me. It felt good, but I miss having a guy notice what I'm wearing and maybe even throwing out a compliment. My girlfriends will compliment me, but let's face it -- it's not the same! The sense of being attractive is nebulous when there is no one out there to affirm it. I guess next to being hugged and kissed, I miss having someone say -- hey you look great. Ah well, better not think about it too much!

false positive match

Ok.... so I talked to R on Wednesday night. Interesting conversation....and not all in a good way. There were some positive things -- he's a Christian and attends a church that my friends go to; he seemed very understanding about my divorce since his parents are divorced.... but, I definitely got some weird vibes. His manner of conversation, references to his mother, stories about his youth, making a big deal about working out at Bally's (I couldn't care less), the appearance of inflexibility (i.e. he seems a little uptight) and another slight annoyance - he took another phone call and put me on hold.

So, novice that I am, I went ahead and scheduled a date with him anyway. I'm thinking at this point that I just need to get out there and get the first date behind me.

Information that I've found in combination with my analysis of the phone conversation really puts me off this guy. I kinda of have that icky feeling that comes when I'm uncomfortable and fear that I'll get stuck in something that I have to extricate myself from.

could it be?

Well despite my misgivings about online dating, I may actually have a couple of possibilities!!! I've been communicating with two guys at the same time....yeah....shocking! I'm not super excited about either one, but I think that they are both dating material. I'm going to call R tonight and possibly set up a date. I'm attracted to his picture (though he looks a little like JMR so that could be a problem, lol) and the basic information I have about him is positive. I don't have a good feel for him yet though. He's four years younger and has never been married. The other guy, T, is trying really hard, but seems nice. It's funny how he has picked through my profile and responded to everything he thinks we have in common. He's four years older, divorced and has 3 kids. Sooooooo, we'll see where this all goes. It's high time I got out there and mingled!! More blogging material ahead I'm sure....