Tuesday, February 23, 2010

why is this not working in my favor?

More online dating disappointment.... I don't understand why the guys I am interested in, are not into me. Guys who I wouldn't give the time of day to, contact me and I'm so desperate that I take the time to consider them... and even attempt to communicate with them. So, I have a phone date tonight with a guy who I know I won't like. Not because he's not a nice guy, but because I doubt that he has strong faith... and.... I'm not physically attracted to him. He is overweight. I extended my search to 600 miles just to see what the selection was within my criteria.... not a lot of results. The guys far away are not interested in long distance relationships. There is a guy in MA who is so hotttt -- and has an amazing profile -- so original and witty. I do not meet his criteria in any way, though. I had to send him a message which of course is futile.... I made it clear how cynical I was about it. I don't meet his search criteria at all. He is one of those 40-something males who blew their youth on selfishness, now want to settle down and have kids... which requires an attractive 30-something never been married female. Ugh! I have to stop looking at his pictures....

I hate this!!! I can't even get a lousy date with a decent guy that I won't mind looking at or imagining being close to. I know I'm going about this all wrong -- my emotions and hormones have run amok and I'm not yet willing to reign them in. I felt what it might be like to be connected to a man and now I just want it so badly -- for real. Please Lord, please -- can I just have the chance to meet someone great? I feel so undesired and unwanted. I feel like I'm at the bottom of the barrel. Why is it this way? I hate, hate, hate that I squandered my youth and youthful looks on a loser!!!

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