all personal ponderings go here?

Thus begins my attempt to eschew email with personal thoughts to the one I love. It hasn't been working for me lately. I'm going to dump all my pondering into blog posts instead. As I sit here and think about this, I wonder if this will last. What am I trying to accomplish? The messages are a means of communication with the intent that it be two-way. If I put it here, it's one-way and it will probably be just as unsatisfying (perhaps more unsatisfying) than receiving a fickle response. This isn't really fixing the problem is it? The problem is expectations. Lovers have used written communication for hundreds of years. Love letters are age old. Email is not the same thing, however. Email creates a desire for instantaneous expectations. Though I often spend a lot of time and consideration on my email messages, there is still an element of unprocessed communication. I would probably put more consideration into a written document. Hey, maybe I should start writing letters instead! But it takes too much time -- two days for snail mail. In the early days and weeks of dating, email was a way to get more out -- more information about each other and more emotion to fire the romance. We talk everyday so what do we really need to say in email? Okay, there is the fact that sometimes it's easier to express myself in writing. When we talk, the words don't always come together right. I'm a thinker and I need time to process my answers and responses.

The way I see it: the only solution to this problem is to see the man I love on a daily or almost daily basis and talk to him about what I think and feel regularly!!! And on the subject of feelings -- we MUST share what we feel whether the feelings are good, bad or indifferent. We MUST trust each other enough to do that because feelings fuel us and they turn into actions. If we can't share our feelings, we don't have a healthy relationship.