Tuesday, December 15, 2009

failure is not an option

I looked at JAR's grades online this morning. My worst fears were realized. He failed at least two classes (one more grade to be posted). I have a mixture of feelings. Deep disappointment, helplessness, anger, etc. I don't know how to reach him. I don't know quite what to do. Right now, I'm thinking that I just need to be calm and rational. I want to approach this problem in a thoughtful, pragmatic manner. So, I'm planning to sit down with my son tonight and begin by getting the picture from his point of view. If he wants to be in college and shows any desire to succeed, then I'm going to suggest we work on a plan of action. I'm envisioning some sort of plan/contract -- some structure for him to work within to get on the right track. Depending on how that conversation goes, I may consult with a pastor for some advice.

It's problems like this that make me feel very alone and vulnerable. I don't have anyone to lean on and to share the burden. I pray, oh yes, I pray and I know that God is in control and that he is my rock. It's so intangible though isn't it? When I have the opportunity to get down on my knees and dump it all at Jesus' feet, maybe then I will feel some relief and belief that I am not really alone.

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