I'm in a funk of some sort. It's kind of hard to explain and I really haven't taken the time to analyze my feelings. I think it all began with our drama in January and the realization that I had to manage yet another crisis on my own. Then the mid-winter visitation and face to face with J__ -- which brought on the resurgence of that feeling of insecurity that I always used to have with him. Realizing again that this man can not be counted on or trusted. Then the summons to court and J's plea to reduce the child support (ahem, because he is a LOSER). All this and my abismal social life sans male companionship and the hopelessness that this will change anytime soon. Knowledge that the only man I would consider is involved with someone else. Seeing the signs of aging on my face (and breaking out a lot lately -- what's with that??) and filling out my clothes a little too much -- hating the number on the scale. Lack of energy and motivation. It's all quite depressing!
Hopefully, I'm on the verge of breaking out of these doldrums. I'm thinking about running -- I want to run. I need warmer weather! I'm thinking of broadening my horizons and getting involved with a new activity. Something other than work or church related -- something active. I'm thinking that I need to stop thinking so much about Dr. ___. So if I could put these thoughts into action...
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