the confession

So there it is in black and white, all that you have been keeping back from me. And then the lies. Nothing will ever affect me more than lies and deception. The acts that you cover up would be far easier to handle if they were confessed right away. That was our agreement, after all. You ARE a coward. I am SO disappointed in you. So saddened by your choices because you will LOSE and you will pay a heavy price. I need to pull back and remove myself from you for a while. I don't know how long. I need assurances from you that I AM worth fighting for -- that you DO love me enough to do whatever it takes to protect our relationship. I need to know that you BELIEVE that you CAN overcome -- that you WILL be successful more and more. I need you to CHOOSE ME. I need to see that you are pursuing God and feeding your faith. I need to know that you are willing to get the help and support that you need to get better and better and better. I don't expect you to be perfect and conquer this overnight. I know that it will be a long process -- I'm willing to support you all the way. I know you will have times when you fail -- I pray that they are few and far between. I am praying FERVENTLY for you -- more fervently than I have prayed in a long time. I am pressing into the Lord and fully relying on him right now. I need to increase MY faith and trust him more. I realize that this is out of my control -- I need to entrust YOU to the Lord and get out of the way. I've done all that I can except pray, pray, pray. I don't know what's ahead. I can't see if this relationship will work. So I'll wait and pull back my focus so that I can see the bigger picture. I'll wait to see how you respond. It's all up to you now. The fate of this relationship is in your hands and I pray that you submit it to the Lord also so that his perfect will can work (like Ransom realizes in Perelandra -- getting out of OUR will so that God's will can be fulfilled).